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:-) Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist? He sold his soul to Santa

:-) Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash? He's all right now.

:-) Did you hear about the man who was tap dancing? He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.

:-) How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path.

:-) How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it.

:-) How does a spoiled rich girl change a light bulb? She says, "Daddy, I want a new apartment."

:-) What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall? "Dam".

:-) What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroids.

:-) What do the letters D.N.A. stand for? National Dyslexics Association.

:-) What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick.

:-) What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese.

:-) What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate Clauses.

:-) What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand? Quattro sinko.

:-) What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.

:-) What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.

:-) What do you get when you cross an elephant and a skin doctor? A pachydermatologist

:-) What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you? A pool table.

:-) What is a zebra? 25 sizes larger than an "A" bra.

:-) What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? Sanka.

:-) and what kind of lettuce? Iceberg.

:-) What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.

:-) What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? The taste.

:-) What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.

:-) Where do you find a no legged dog? Right where you left him.

:-) Where do you get virgin wool from? Ugly sheep.

:-) Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book? They all have phones.

:-) Why do bagpipers walk when they play? They're trying to get away from the noise.

:-) Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have big fingers.

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