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The Redneck Grammer

The Association of Southern Schools has decided to pursue some of the seemingly endless taxpayer dollar pipeline through Washington designating Southern slang as a language to be taught in all Southern schools. The following are excerpts from the Redneck/English dictionary

HEIDI - (noun) -Greeting.

HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting.
Usage "Heidi, Hire yew?"

BARD - (verb) - Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
Usage "My brother bard my pickup truck."

JAWJUH - (noun) - The state north of Florida. Capitol is Lanner.
Usage "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."

BAMMER - (noun) - The state west of Jawjuh. Capitol is Berminhayum.
Usage "A tornader jes went through Bammer an' left $20,000,000 in improvements."

MUNTS - (noun) - A calendar division.
Usage "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts."

THANK - (verb) - Cognitive process.
Usage "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."

BARE - (noun) - An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and yeast. 
Usage "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."

IGNERT - (adjective) - Not smart. See "Arkansas native."
Usage "Them bammer boys sure are ignert!"

RANCH - (noun) - A tool used for tight'nin' bolts.
Usage "I thank I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."

ALL - (noun) - A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."

FAR - (noun) - A conflagration.
Usage "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup
truck, that thing's gonna catch far."

TAR - (noun) - A rubber wheel.
Usage "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."

TIRE - (noun) - A tall monument.
Usage "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."

RETARD - (verb) - To stop working.
Usage "My grampaw retard at age 65."

FAT - (noun), (verb) - a battle or combat; to engage in battle or combat.
Usage "You younguns keep fat'n, n' ah'm gonna whup y'uh."

RATS - (noun) - Entitled power or privilege.
Usage "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."

CHEER - (adverb) In this place.
Usage Just set that bare rat cheer.

FARN - (adjective) - Not domestic.
Usage "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed... must be from some farn country."

DID - (adjective) - Not alive.
Usage "He's did, Jim."

ARE - (noun) - A colorless, odorless gas Oxygen.
Usage "He cain't breathe...give 'im some ARE!"

BOB WAR - (noun) - A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."

JEW HERE - (noun) and (verb) contraction.
Usage "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny?"

HAZE - a contraction.
Usage "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah...haze ignert. He ain't thanked but a
minnit'n 'is laf."

SEED - (verb) - past tense of "to see".
VIEW - contraction (verb) and pronoun "have you".
Usage "I ain't never seed New York City...view?"

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