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This was sent to me (Howler) in my email. Before you begin reading this piece it is essential to know that I am dyslexic. It has long been said of me that I couldn't spell my way, from a paper sack. I had to type this in by hand and the odd thing is I probably only made 4 mistakes the whole time - all of them were in the very first paragraph. There are some things that require a special kind of knack.

Speaking of a new language

Having mandated English as the official language in the EU, the European Parliament has commisioned a feasibility study in ways of improving efficiency in communications between government departments. European officials have often pointed out that English spelling is unnecessarily difficult; for example: cough, plough, rough, through and thorough. What is clearly needed is a phased program of changes to iron out these anomalies. The program would of course, be administered by a committee staffed at top levels by participating nations.

In the first year, for example, the committee would suggest using "s" instead of "c". Sertainly, sivil servants in all sities would resieve this news with joy. Then the hard "c" could be replaced with "K' sinse both letters are pronounsed alike. Not only would this Klear up Konfusion in the minds of klerikal workers, but typewriters and komputer keyboards kould be made with one less letter.

There would be growing enthusiasm when, in the sekond year, it was anounsed that the troublesome "ph" would hence be written as "f". This would make words like fotograf twenty percent shorter in print.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments would enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. We would al agre that the horible mes of silent "e"'s in the languag is disgrasful. Therfor we kould drop thes and kontinu to read and writ as though nothing happened.

By this tim it would be four years sins the skem began and peopl wold be reseptiv to steps sutsh as replacing the "th" by "z". Perhaps zen ze funktion of "w" kould be taken on by "v" vitsh is, after al, half a "w". Shortly after zis, ze unesesary "o" kuld be dropd from vords kontaining "ou". Similar arguments vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of letters.

Kontinuing zis proses yer after yer, ve vud eventuli hav a reli sensibl riten styl. After tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls or difikultis and evryvun vud find it ezi to understand ech ozer. Ze drems of the guverment vud hav kum tru. Al ze vorld vud spek alik and ve vud al be fred from zis languag barier vitsh has ben plagin ze vorld for so long.

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