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Real Good Quotes

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If you can't convince them, confuse them. 
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"The police are not here to create disorder, they're here to preserve disorder" 
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Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense. 
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When we talk about artistic freedom in this country we sometimes lose sight of the fact that freedom is often dependent on adequate financing. - Frank Zappa 
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It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. 
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May your life be like toilet paper... Long and useful. 
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Razors pain you; Rivers are damp; Acids stain you; And drugs cause cramp. Guns aren't lawful; Nooses give; Gas smells awful; You might as well live. -- Dorothy Parker 
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You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do. Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away, and you have their shoes, too. 
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"There are three kinds of people in this world: Those who make things happen; Those who watch things happen; And those that wonder what happened." 
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"Happiness is not having what you want. It's wanting what you have." 
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"The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, 'You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done." - George Carlin 
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Beware the lollipop of mediocrity. Lick it once and you will suck forever. 
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I think that all right-thinking people in this country are sick and tired of being told that ordinary, decent people are fed up in this country with being sick and tired. I'm certainly not! But I'm sick and tired of being told that I am! -- Monty Python 
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Whenever I meet someone new, I find a good way to break the ice is to drop to the ground and spasm, screaming "The Nipple Scorpions are back!" I don't think I'll ever do it again at church, though.
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And Jesus said unto them, "And whom do you say that I am?" They replied, "You are the eschatological manifestation of the ground of our being, the ontological foundation of the context of our very selfhood revealed." And Jesus replied, "What?" 
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A fool-proof method for sculpting an elephant: first, get a huge block of marble; then you chip away everything that doesn't look like an elephant.
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Save the whales. Collect the whole set. 
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When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before. " - Mae West (1892-1980) 
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You cannot achieve the impossible without attempting the absurd.
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Laugh at your problems, everyone else does. 
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Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat. 
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A "Frisbeterian" believes that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof, and you can't get it back down. 
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Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts. -- Drebin, Naked Gun 2 1/2 
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In the beginning there was nothing. God said, "Let there be light." And there was still nothing, but everybody could see it. 
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Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger. Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. 
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The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you. -- Rita Mae Brown 
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Why settle for the lesser evil? Cthulhu for President. 
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I sometimes feel alone and insignificant, especially when people turn out the lights while I'm still in the bathroom. 
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Preserve wildlife. Pickle a squirrel.
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Do not regret growing old; many are denied the privilege. 
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If I were meta-agnostic, I'd be confused over whether I'm agnostic or not--- but I'm not quite sure if I feel that way; hence I must be meta-meta-agnostic (I guess). -- Douglas R. Hofstadter,
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You know how it is when you go to be the subject of a psychology experiment, and nobody else shows up, and you think maybe that's part of the experiment? I'm like that all the time. -- Steven Wright 
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Anarchy is better than no government at all. 
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Reality's the only obstacle to happiness. 
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Be alert - the world needs more lerts. 
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. 
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If you knew what you were doing, you'd be bored. 
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You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely. 
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Don't let people drive you crazy when you know it's in walking distance. 
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Everybody is somebody else's weirdo. 

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