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Female Doctor Suess

If Dr. Suess Was a Woman, she'd write:                 A Man's Retort

I'm glad I'm a woman -yes I am, yes I am.                  (That's a
judgment call.)

I don't live on Budweiser, Beer nuts and Spam.               (Bon-bons, and chocolate, maybe.)

I don't brag to my buddies about my erections;               (Does my ass look fat?)

I won't drive to Hell before asking directions.                (But you get lost more often.)

I act nice at parties; don't act like a clown;                  (People think your boring.)

And I know how to put the damn toilet seat down.            (If you did you wouldn't bitch so much about
                                                                    sitting  on the cold rim)

I won't grab your boobies; I won't pinch your butt.           (Because your sexually repressed.)

My belt is not hidden, beneath my beer gut.                   (Does my ass look fat?)

I don't go around readjusting my crotch;                       (Just applying eyeliner while driving.)

or make sure my headboard bears each hard-earned notch.   (From where your head hits it.)

I don't belch in public; don't scratch my behind.             (You don't have hair on your ass either.)

I'm a woman, you see- I'm just not that kind!                 (You have lipstick on your teeth.)

I'm glad I'm a woman; So glad I could sing-                   (Your off key, and no one tells you.)

and thrilled I'm not covered in shag carpeting.                 (Lay off the epilady for a month, then talk.)

Hair won't grow from my ears, or cover my back.              (Quit shoppin for men at the kennel.)

And when I bend over you can't see my crack.                 (But we will see your camel toes.)

I'm a woman, alas-and I'm proud, don't you see?              (You pay more for clothing.)

I'm blessed to have two boobs and squat when I pee.         (there called breasts, and we don't pee on the
                                                                     back of our legs on camping trips.)


I don't live for golf, or shoot basketball.                     (Yet go to the mall for hours and buy nothing.)

I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal.                  (Sometimes your crotch smells funny.)

I don't need male bonding; I don't cruise for chicks-        (You hate anyone who looks better than you.)

I'll never join "Hair Club", or think with my dick.            (You need to join Hair Style Club.)

I'm a woman, by chance And thankful I am!                  (We don't care that you didn't climax.)

I'm so glad I'm a woman, not a man, yes I am!               (I slept with your sister!!.)

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