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The AOL Timer

Making great strides in adding more useless features to AOL while overlooking all the important stuff, here's a small reflection on that mildly annoying and useless little thingie known as "the Timer" that Im sure you AOL users (Users are Losers) are all familiar with... 

You have been online... 

You have been online for 45 minutes. Do you want to stay online? Please respond within 10 min. or you will be logged off.

You have been online for 135 minutes. Not to put any pressure on you, but there ARE other people in the world who would like to sign on. Let's show some consideration for our fellow members and sign off, whaddya say?

You DO realize that you've been online for 184 minutes, right? when was the last time you went outside?

OK. This is getting ridiculous. Frankly, you're starting to piss us off! If you sign off now, we'll bring back your Buddy List OK? yep finally

You have been online for 360 minutes now!! We promised you unlimited time, we know, but can't you just finish up NOW and go read a good book?

You have been online for 467 minutes. Do you remember your family members' names ?

You have been online for 513 minutes. Your husband has left you and your dog is starving. Do you wish to remain online?

You have been online 724 minutes. Steve Case is coming personally to your house to yank the phone cord....

You have been online 852 minutes, do you KNOW how many HOURS that is???

You have been online for 921 minutes. Do you realize that AOL averages 921 complaints per hour about busy phone lines? Do you realize that AOL receives 9.21 lawsuits per day due to busy phone lines? Please sign-off to reduce these averages, or go to keyword: CLASS ACTION to join a lawsuit.

You have been online for 967 minutes. When AOL went unlimited they didn't think you would take it literally. Now hang up before we go broke! 

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