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COPING WITH MEETINGS

Are you getting bored during meetings? Why not try some of these neat exercises...

Reconstruct the meeting in front of you using action figures and when anyone moves re-arrange the figures accordingly.

Draw a chalk circle around one of the chairs then avoid sitting on it, when the meeting starts. When someone does eventually sit in it, cover your mouth and gasp.

Mount the desk and walk along its length before taking your seat.

Repeat every idea they express in a baby voice while moving your hand like a chattering mouth.

Bend momentarily under the table then emerge wearing contact lenses that white out your eyes.

Drop meaningless & confusing management speak into conversations such as:' what's the margin, Marvin?', 'When's this turkey going to get basted?' and 'If we don't get this brook babbling we're all going to end up looking like doe-eyed Labradors'

Produce a hamster from your pocket and suggest throwing it to one another as a means of idea-exchange

Use a large hunting knife to point at your visual aids

Announce that you've run off some copies of the meeting agenda. Then hand out pieces of paper that read:
My secret agenda
1 Trample the weak
2 Triumph
3 Invade Poland

Re-collect them sheepishly and ask everyone to pretend they haven't seen them.

Discreetly clasp hold of someone's hand and whisper: "can you feel it?" from the corner of your mouth.

Draw enormous genitalia on your notepad and discreetly show it to the person next to you for their approval.

When referring to someone in the room always call them your 'homey' or' dog'

Leave long pauses in your speech at random moments. When someone is prompted to interject shout 'I AM NOT FINISHED!'

Wear a hands free phone headset throughout once in a while drift off into an unrelated conversation, such as: 'I don't care if there are no dwarfs, just get the show done!'

Attempt to hypnotize the entire room using a pocket watch

Respond to a serious question with: "I don't know what to say. Obviously I'm flattered, but it's all happened so fast"

Use Nam style jargon such as 'what's the ETA?', 'who's on recon?' & 'Charlie don't surf'

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