Your One Stop Comedy Shop

ACTUAL SIGNS

: In the front yard of a funeral home, "Drive carefully, we'll wait."
 
: On an electrician's truck, "Let us remove your shorts."
 
: Outside a radiator repair shop, "Best place in town to take a leak."
 
: In a nonsmoking area, "If we see you smoking, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
 
: On a maternity room door, "Push, Push, Push."
 
: On a front door, "Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the   dog."
 
: At an optometrist's office, "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
 
: On a taxidermist's window, "We really know our stuff."
 
: On a butcher's window, "Let me meat your needs."
 
: On a fence, "Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive."
 
: At a car dealership, "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
 
: Outside a muffler shop, "No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming."
 
: In a dry cleaner's emporium, "Drop your pants here."
 
: On a desk in a reception room, "We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left."
 
: In a veterinarian's waiting room, "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
 
: In a Beauty Shop, "Dye now!"
 
: In a restaurant window, "Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and  get fed up."
 
: Inside a bowling alley, "Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop."
 
: In a cafeteria, "Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can  eat any place they want."

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