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General Letter Threats

Talking trash is required in our lives, so we have provided some samples for you to use in your everyday life. Learn them well, and practice them on small children, and the elderly before attempting to use them in normal conversations.



  • If I cared half as much about these shoes I would put my foot up your ass.
  • You don't wanna mess with me. You'd have better luck shovin a stick of butter up a cats ass with a hot poker.
  • Do you want to pick up the ass whoopin or shall I deliver it.
  • You better hope bruises and band aids are in style!
  • If Consciousness is in style, then you are about to be out of it!
  • What you need right now is a good back up plan. It would behoove you to back up offa me!
  • First I'm gonna bitch slap ya, then Im gonna screw your dog!
  • Don't make me bust out the bottle of Bitch Slap!
  • You don't wanna mess with me. You'd have better luck trying to sandpaper a wildcats ass in a telephone booth.
  • Countdown to ass - kickin!  5, 4, 3, 2, 1, 0 Ass kickin is a go! Repeat Ass Kicking is a go!
  • Don't go jumping to contusions! ( CDTrips )
  • You are presently on the quickest and most direct route to the E. R.!
  • Don't make me get like Quake III on you!
  • I will rip you a new asshole and plant flowers in it!
  • I'll stomp a mudhole in your ass and send some kids out to play in it!
  • I'll stand you on your head and toss a salad in your ass!
  • You don't want to mess with me, You'd have better luck trying to fish a piece of cheese out of a bag full-o-Ferrets!
 

Older Stuff

  • I'm gonna show ya where my toga opens.
  • Have you ever used a nine inch flesh colored Q-tip?
  • I'll kill ya till yer dead, then I'll kill ya some more.
  • Iffn I had a cookie and you stole it, I would beat you with a ferocity that knows no bounds.
  • I'll beat ya with a ferocity here-to-for unknown to mortal men.
  • Die, puny mortal!!!!!
  • I hope your girlfriend likes bandages (or bruises).
  • This will be new, I have never killed someone i just met before.
  • Your mom asked me not to beat up on you anymore.
  • Meet me in the parking lot after school, and if I'm late, go ahead and start without me!
  • Your about 10 seconds away from becoming just another odor of decomposition wafting up from my basement.
  • I'm gonna get like the Ebola virus on you!
  • Don't hate me because I'm beautiful, I plan to give you other reasons.
  • There will come a day when I shall look upon you with great vehemence, on that day I shall smite you.
  • So your the one who ordered the thorough ass whoopin!
  • If I was up in your ass makin snow angels you'd know.
  • I'm gonna beat you like you stole my cookie
  • My colon has a god given right to be heard.
  • I'm gonna get just like Mike Tyson on ya.
  • I'll break out on you like a rash.
  • I'll be on ya like dirt on your daddy.
  • I'm going to start slapping you and  I will never stop. ( SomaDawg )
  • I will slap piss from you.
  • I'm going to start not touching you.
  • I'm about to poo poo your good time.
  • I gotta spoon full of whoop ass with your name all over it.
  • Hmmm, What would John Holmes do in this situation?
  • If I had a rubber hose right now, I would beat you! ( Nat. Lam. X-mas Vacation )
  • Why don't you go outside and practice falling down till I get out there.
  • I'll kick yer ass and make ya walk backwards.
  • I'll break you off a chunk a whoop-ass.
  • I'll slap you around and call you Susan. (or Sammy for women)

I'm gonna beat you till........

  • Ya smell like onion.
  • Til Tom Cruize comes out of the closet.
  • Ya stink of bruises.
  • Ya smell like Phys. Ed.
  • Til your breath smells like farts.
  • the cows come back.
  • Michael Jackson leaves boys alone. (done with this one I guess)
  • ya taste copper!
  • Til William Shatner can act.
  • ya sneeze thru your ass!
  • your socks are gloves!
 

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