General Letter One Liners
This list is comprised of little tid-bits of comedic brik-a-brak, which may
or may not have appeared in a General Letter. For the most part they are original
comments, but there do exist a few that we chose to quote as they were too good for us not
- Dont ever stop changing. I like you just the way your going to be. ( Chip
- Quit suckin on my third eye, ya leach!! ( MZChaos )
- We're having more fun than a teenage girl playing squat tag in an
asparagus patch! ( WilTott )
- Well aint you just a kick in the Jimmys/Pooper/Danglers/Pants. (
- We have tasted the future, , , and it tastes like Chicken! ( Chip Gatzert
- This party's almost over, , , and I'm going home - soon as I can find my
- It takes a real son of a bitch to call their mom a son of a bitch! (
- I have given birth to so many ideas, I got stretch marks on my brain! (
Chip Gatzert )
- Drugs are bad because they make you more creative than you really are. (
Lilly Tomlin )
- Question: Where is (Blank)?
- Answer: If it was up your ass I'd know it!
- It doesn't really matter what there looking for now does it?
- Question: Have you ever seen a gerbils a eyes bug out?
- Answer: No, I usually got them facing the other way.
- This planet sucks and I'm not gonna come here anymore.
- Now that's chokin' your chicken afore it hatches.
- How did Hamilton Berger (on Perry Mason) keep his job with a conviction
rate of zero?
- If I weren't such the tuff guy, I do believe I might pee myself!
- It is truly hot as balls outside today!
- I prefer to stay away from conversational topics concerning feminine
- Like a bridge over troubled water/sally struthers. Either one will work.
- Never insult people named Terry, because "dissin" Terry is no
fun for anyone.
- Yes, that's nice honey, now why don't you be a sweetheart and go and try
to find me something very shiny.
- I thot I had to poop but I guess I just forgot to let the cat out this
- They call it a roach clip because the name potholder was taken.
- I have great taste in women, but the women I had taste in, had bad taste
- Methinks he shit a dead possum with a gymsock in it's mouth.
- I'm not about to make a life long decision based solely on my
poor taste in women
- My golden retriever is a real duck sicker."
- Your about the "Glass is half emptiest" person I know.
- I'm beginning to think Hoosiers are just Kentuckians who ran out
of money on their way to Florida.
- She's an oven mitt 'o burnin' love.
- Santa's got a brand new bag... and wouldn't ya know it, that rash
has cleared up.
- Always remember whatever misfortune should be your lot, it could
only be worse in Milwaukee.
- Honest your honor, I was jez heppin dat pig overn the fence.
- What's another word for Thesaurus.
- We're havin more fun than a couple of farm boys bumpin dust off a
- Eggs give me gas, but lots of vermin eat them and I'm just as
good as any vermin- wouldn't you say?
- If I asked you to blow me, would you pretend you didn't want to?
- Either my hemorrhoids are actin up or that damn gerbil bit me.
- Gastro Interitus does not impress the chicks.
- Someday the Devil himself will come to retrieve whatever hellish
smelling thing he hid up your ass.
- Don't look at me like you're Queen for the day.
- I'm sending you a program, try and get with it.
Use these whenever possible
- That's gonna go over like:
- A turd in the punch bowl.
- a fart in church.
- Andrew Dice Clay at a feminist rally.
- poop stains on the Popes robe.
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