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General Letter One Liners

This list is comprised of little tid-bits of comedic brik-a-brak, which may or may not have appeared in a General Letter. For the most part they are original comments, but there do exist a few that we chose to quote as they were too good for us not to repeat.



  • Dont ever stop changing. I like you just the way your going to be. ( Chip Gatzert )
  • Quit suckin on my third eye, ya leach!! ( MZChaos )
  • We're having more fun than a teenage girl playing squat tag in an asparagus patch! ( WilTott )
  • Well aint you just a kick in the Jimmys/Pooper/Danglers/Pants. ( FloydieFloyd )
  • We have tasted the future, , , and it tastes like Chicken! ( Chip Gatzert )
  • This party's almost over, , , and I'm going home - soon as I can find my panties!
  • It takes a real son of a bitch to call their mom a son of a bitch! ( Zenmama )
  • I have given birth to so many ideas, I got stretch marks on my brain! ( Chip Gatzert )
  • Drugs are bad because they make you more creative than you really are. ( Lilly Tomlin )

OLDER STUFF

  • Question: Where is (Blank)?
Answer: If it was up your ass I'd know it!
It doesn't really matter what there looking for now does it?
 
  • Question: Have you ever seen a gerbils a eyes bug out?
    Answer: No, I usually got them facing the other way.
 
  • This planet sucks and I'm not gonna come here anymore.
  • Now that's chokin' your chicken afore it hatches.
  • How did Hamilton Berger (on Perry Mason) keep his job with a conviction rate of zero?
  • If I weren't such the tuff guy, I do believe I might pee myself!
  • It is truly hot as balls outside today!
  • I prefer to stay away from conversational topics concerning feminine hyjinx.
  • Like a bridge over troubled water/sally struthers. Either one will work.
  • Never insult people named Terry, because "dissin" Terry is no fun for anyone.
  • Yes, that's nice honey, now why don't you be a sweetheart and go and try to find me something very shiny.
  • I thot I had to poop but I guess I just forgot to let the cat out this morning.
  • They call it a roach clip because the name potholder was taken.
  • I have great taste in women, but the women I had taste in, had bad taste in men.
  • Methinks he shit a dead possum with a gymsock in it's mouth.
  • I'm not about to make a life long decision based solely on my poor taste in women
  • My golden retriever is a real duck sicker."
  • Your about the "Glass is half emptiest" person I know.
  • I'm beginning to think Hoosiers are just Kentuckians who ran out of money on their way to Florida.
  • She's an oven mitt 'o burnin' love.
  • Santa's got a brand new bag... and wouldn't ya know it, that rash has cleared up.
  • Always remember whatever misfortune should be your lot, it could only be worse in Milwaukee.
  • Honest your honor, I was jez heppin dat pig overn the fence.
  • What's another word for Thesaurus.
  • We're havin more fun than a couple of farm boys bumpin dust off a cows ass.
  • Eggs give me gas, but lots of vermin eat them and I'm just as good as any vermin- wouldn't you say?
  • If I asked you to blow me, would you pretend you didn't want to?
  • Either my hemorrhoids are actin up or that damn gerbil bit me.
  • Gastro Interitus does not impress the chicks.
  • Someday the Devil himself will come to retrieve whatever hellish smelling thing he hid up your ass.
  • Don't look at me like you're Queen for the day.
  • I'm sending you a program, try and get with it.

Use these whenever possible

  • That's gonna go over like:
    • A turd in the punch bowl.
    • a fart in church.
    • Andrew Dice Clay at a feminist rally.
    • poop stains on the Popes robe.
 

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