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The very best in Original Funny Joke Insults from
Howler's General Letter And Beyond

The Naptown Nomads have devoted a good deal of their lives to inventing new and creative ways to insult people, and/or each other. Here are some of our choicer comedy creations, and some funny insults that have been annexed from here or there, but that's neither here nor there. Most of what you find here is original.


  • Your Mom called, she said if your going to help yourself to her brand new bag of dicks the least you could do is close it properly so they don't go stale.
  • You smell like Zombie ass.
  • Your Mom called, she wants her bag of Dicks back.
  • You sure must love ugly.
  • I saw your outfit on T.V. last night. When good clothes go bad.
  • I heard that one on T.V. last night, when good jokes go bad.
  • You should try shutting up more often.
  • Two words my friend, Ba-reath, , , A-mints! They are your friends.
  • You know if you took deeper breaths more oxygen would reach your brain.
  • You got about the mental capacity of Dog Droppings!
  • It's a sad, sad universe wot you are at the center of.
  • I suppose being the center of your own universe is cool, but don't you think it would be better if there were other people in yours!
  • If lies were turds you would be full of shit - Squared!
  • When someone burps, "Oooo, that smelled like dick!"
  • If semen were blood wouldn't you be a happy vampire!
  • If dicks were twinkies you'd really be a fat ass!
  • Do you have a monopoly on ugly, or what?
  • Damn! Spread the stink around, why don't ya!
  • Oh, I didn't recognize you without a set of nutz on your chin!
  • Ain't you just the happy squirrel with a mouth full of nutz.
  • When someone tells you, you look stupid, you say, "And you look like Stupids ass/dick!"
  • When someone says, "Your fucking stupid!"  You say, "Let me guess, 'Stupid is your moms name?"
  • If they just say you are stupid. You say, "No. I am 'fucking' stupid, and Stupid is my pet name for your mom."
  • When you stand next to a piece of shit, everyone says, "Oh look, Twins."
  • Shut up - short stroker!
  • There is a sign on your lower back that says, 'Enter at your own risk,,,, In two single file lines - Please!'
  • Hey, what kinda language is that? Do you suck your father with that mouth?

OLDER STUFF

  • That hairy bastard - He is a gorilla in our midst!
  • Soggy Bitch!
  • I don't know what you do all day but I'm pretty damn sure it ain't "brushin your teeth."
  • Bet ya I kiss better than your Daddy.
  • Your hung like a horse, (short pause) , , FLY!
  • Dear Gawd! I hope that's not your feet I smell.
  • You went as the Pink Power Ranger for Halloween, Didn't ya?
  • Go pound sand in your ass!
  • Damn your hands/feet are cold! Did you have them shoved up a well-digger/polar bears ass!
  • You put the 'Ick' in Chickens!
  • My penis is an extension of your personality - You Dick!
  • Damn man, have you been shovin road kill up your ass!
  • She could suck the barnacles off a blue whale. (We are not certain if this may/may not be a compliment)
  • She heard 'so-and-so' was back in town and started waxin her thighs,
  • I'm sorry you still refer to your penis as a Pee-pee.
  • Either that woman was puttin an earring in or she was tryin to screw that bolt back into her neck!
  • Don't be so Frankenstonian!
  • She's listing to port!
  • Your mom thinks I am more fun than her vibrator!
  • I hate you like blue balls!
  • I hate you like hang nails!
  • When will you fuck off!
  • You smell like stray dog - stray dog and ass!
  • You make Jesus sick!
  • Pardon me would you mind fucking off! I mean just a lil' bit, if it wouldn't be to much trouble.
  • You don't know shit from Shinola and what's more your shoes smell funny.
  • You don't know shit from apple butter and if you did you would still put the wrong one on a biscuit.
  • If it wasn't for the numbers on a calendar you would never have a date.
  • Her teeth were so crooked she could eat cheese through a wicker basket.
  • That boys been licken the mini blinds.
  • That boys been eatin paint chips.
  • Dumper Bumper
  • If you had a brain it would just be another part of your body that smelled like fish.
  • God made her as ugly as he possibly could, then he beat her in the face with a rake.
  • She told me to kiss her ass, so I asked her for specific longitude and latitude coordinates.
  • You got dipped in the shallow end of the gene pool.
  • She's nigh on to shy of makin some kind of sense.
  • You know dick about dick - and you know it well.
  • Shut up - you pickle chip.
 

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